Looking for Manna
Depending on a little grace every day.
Having two kids is wild. Most days, I wish I could grow a third or fourth (or fifth) arm.
This season of having a newborn and a toddler has been wildly stretching for me. I’ve been telling my closest friends that motherhood has been revealing every sin and struggle and temptation in me lately. (And I know that I’ll be made to look more like love through it. But it’s not pretty in the process, I’ll tell you that.)
Before I had kids, the internet convinced me that this mothering thing would be a much more controllable lifestyle than it is.
“Take my course, and your 2-month-old will never wake up in the night ever again!”
“Say this script to your toddler, and they’ll always listen to you without fail!”
“Buy this supplement, and you’ll never feel tired again!”
And a pattern I’ve noticed is that on the hardest days, I find myself wishing for this kind of predictability—and on a deeper level, control. I wish those promises on Instagram were true silver bullets that could solve all of my problems of exhaustion and indecision and weakness and overwhelm and not-good-enoughness.
So on those days, I’ve often grumbled, “God, show me the silver bullet. Give me the wisdom to know the perfect routine/script/etc that will cure us of these hard days.”
And God, (as he often does), answers every time.
But he doesn’t answer with a silver bullet (ugh)—he answers in a different, surprising way each time.
He answers with daily manna—little moments and saving graces throughout each day that give me just enough strength and joy to keep going.
Like I said, his grace is different every day. It shows up in different forms and at different times. It’s not a perfect routine I can look forward to and expect, but daily manna I can count on.
Just like God instructed His wandering people to collect just enough bread from heaven each day to fill them up, he gives me just what I need each day.
It’s not a dependable routine, I think, because then I would trade dependence on him for dependence on the routine.
So every day, I need to look toward him and say, “If you don’t come through for me, I won’t be strong enough to do this.”
And there’s always manna.
I’ve been keeping a list of some daily manna lately. Some of the examples are so wildly simple I might even miss them in an easier season. Here are a few examples I’ve jotted down:
My newborn’s three hour nap so I could focus on playing with my toddler at the park.
My friend unexpectedly borrowing her sister’s car and driving 40 minutes to hold the baby and help me fold piles of laundry for hours.
A great outfit.
A surprisingly easy trip to music class.
My toddler playing independently when I really needed a rest.
Dad helping me carry boxes to his car and bringing a load over to our new house.
The miracle of grocery delivery so I didn’t have to lug my kids & all our stuff around the store for an hour.
My baby’s smiles.
My daughter making me laugh and reminding me how cool our relationship is.
An open “family” restroom at Target when I really had to go (I mean, dire emergency) but had two kids, our giant stroller, and a heavy diaper bag.
Sunshine.
My mom coming over and doing my dishes so they didn’t keep piling up.
Baking banana bread with my toddler.
Have you ever tried making a “daily manna” or similar list? Let me know what’s on yours lately.❤️
Sarah