I was walking a couple of miles around the lake, squinting from the sunshine streaming over the mountains. The breeze off the lake kept me cool as I pushed the stroller to keep Greta asleep. The snow was almost completely melted, and I had my favorite snack in hand.
I closed my eyes. As I felt the warm sunshine and cool breeze, I started to picture being at the beach (one of my all-time favorite places).
But then I opened my eyes and realized I didn’t want to be anywhere but right there.
***
I rode in the passenger seat as my husband drove us to get donuts on Sunday morning.
Greta flounced confidently into the donut shop in her Elsa nightgown and pink knit sweater. She sang “Some Things Never Change” from Frozen 2 all the way home. Josiah and I laughed the whole time.
I didn’t want to be anywhere but there.
***
Today, I mixed ingredients for our weekly batch of pumpkin baked oatmeal as Greta lay on the floor with her giant princess coloring book from the dollar store. The house was quiet except for her little raspy voice repeating, “G-R-E-T-A…Greta!” over and over.
I don’t want to be anywhere but here, I thought.
***
I can be prone to idealistic thinking, which is a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it gives me the confidence to go for my dreams and believe that things can be better than they are. But on the other hand, it’s hard for me to be fully present in the season I’m in. I’m always looking forward to what’s next. Or, at my worst, I’m looking sideways at whose life is “better” than mine.
So it’s come as kind of a surprise the number of times the phrase, “I don’t want to be anywhere but here,” has been my genuine conviction lately.
I don’t know if this town, or even Colorado, is where we’ll stay forever. We’re always open to where life takes us. But for now—I feel settled. Not just in this particular location—but in my soul. I feel settled in my life stage, my identity, and my calling (though I still have many unanswered questions about all of them).
It’s a weird, comforting feeling being settled. Like everything we’re building and everyone we’re meeting is a little more permanent than before. It feels good. It feels like we can put our stakes in the ground and *build.*
I’ll be honest—I didn’t love being a mom to a newborn. But being a mom to a walking, talking, pretending, singing, laughing, dancing two-year-old? That feels like what I was made for.
All I want is to settle in—to make this season my soul’s home for a while.
Of course, I miss the ability to spontaneously go out for ice cream at 9pm or not schedule my days around diaper changes and nap time. And of course, in moving to where we are now, we’ve left behind people we love so much in different places across the country. And I still grieve that. We’ve left behind beautiful memories and places we love, too.
But overall, my soul feels at peace in the season I’m in.
Multiple times a day, I find myself randomly smiling and whispering a small, “thank you.”
This life isn’t perfect. It isn’t worry-free, hurt-free, or frustration-free. There are still a million overwhelming tasks and unanswered life questions and stressors big and small.
But overall, life feels like everything I could want and need right now.
It won’t be like this forever, I know. But I think the best way to honor a fleeting season is to delight in it fully. So that’s where I’m at. I’m fully here until life takes me elsewhere.
Book Progress
*cue the confetti*
We’re shooting the book trailer this weekend (even though the book’s not even finalized and I haven’t even nailed down a launch date yet…whoops)!!
As I’ve already hinted at, we’re creating an incredibly over-the-top photo and video marketing campaign for this book. And I am so. excited.
My sister (aka video extraordinaire) will be here to help shoot and direct, and we’ve employed my whole family and some friends, too.
I just went on (hopefully) my last dollar store trip of many for props and supplies, and now I’m spending the rest of the week finalizing the props and outfits and making an official shot list to guide our production day.
I’m at that inevitable point in the creative process where I’m highly doubting this vision in my head is going to come to life. But I have hope it’ll all come together…somehow.
Here’s a hint: the visuals/branding for this book will be the complete opposite of my personal style…
full of COLOR.
Excited to keep sharing more about the book shoot and hopefully nail down a launch date soon!
That’s all for this week!
I’m skipping my typical “faves” this week because I’ve got way too much going on, and something’s gotta give!
I hope you have an experience this week that makes you think, I don’t want to be anywhere but here.
Talk to you on Instagram tomorrow,
Sarah